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Over the past couple of years, my higher self has been calling me to begin finding my voice. And it appears that I’m not the only woman who has been given that call.
In recent years I’ve seen a growing trend online of women speaking up and speaking their truth. More and more women are speaking out about bad things that have been done to them. They are speaking out about how they are unfairly treated in their jobs, in healthcare, in their everyday life. They are speaking out more and more about the inequality they experience in the world…and in their relationships.
And it’s made me start to take a look at my own life and the ways I’ve not fully used my voice to express who I really am and what I really believe. And I’ve come to realize how much I’ve been conditioned to be silent and not “rock the boat” throughout my life.
Not about male “bashing”
Now let me say this. There is a lot of talk right now about how “men are bad” and I do not think that this is truly the case. And there are a lot of women right now who are eager to vilify most men. I do not think men are bad at all! In fact, there are a whole lot of amazing men in the world who truly want to understand what women are experiencing and to support them.
I do however think that because there has been so much conditioning keeping women from expressing what they experience in the world, men have a gap in their understanding and perspective about what women face. Because we’ve been silenced for so long, men just have no clue what we really face every day.
They are a product of social conditioning every bit as much as we are. And it’s going to take some time to help them understand what we experience because we women have been quiet for far too long. And we will experience a bit of backlash from those men who want to keep women quiet. Luckily there are more great men speaking out against this as well!
Where does this idea that women should remain silent come from?
The role of religion
Now I can only speak from my experience, but religion played a big part in my life.
I was raised in a conservative Christian home. I was taught that women should always submit to the men in their lives…particularly their father, spouse, and the leadership of the church. And I never questioned that. But just over a decade ago, I began to question things. And I had a LOT of questions. Questions that challenged the status quo. But any time those questions came up, I felt the need to quash them.
Women in the Christian church have been taught that they should be quiet.
In the New International Version of the Bible, 1 Timothy 2: 11-12 says:
11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.
And 1 Corinthians 14: 34-35 says:
34 Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.
Not safe to express myself
I learned some bad lessons at a young age from these two passages. It wasn’t safe for me to express my opinions, needs, and desires. Or to stand up for myself when I was wronged. That I shouldn’t question the way things are. And I should put a smile on my face and act pleasant all the time. Don’t let others know that something is wrong.
I’ve worn the mantle of being a “good girl” for a very long time. I’m still trying to chip away at that façade now.
It kept me in a toxic relationship far longer than I should have been because I was trying to be a good Christian wife and “make it work”. I’ve stayed in toxic jobs and friendships longer than necessary because I was afraid to question the environment or the behavior of certain people.
I even have held back on sharing things that my heart has wanted me to share online because I still struggle with not wanting to rock the boat. So, I keep many of my beliefs and viewpoints to myself.
But lately, I’ve realized that I can’t continue to do that! Not using my voice has kept me from being who I really am because I’m constantly worried that speaking my truth will offend someone else or make them uncomfortable.
Dying to Be Me
I’m reading a book right now by Anita Moorjani called Dying to Be Me. Anita went through four years of hell as she faced cancer. She got so sick that the doctors told her family that she had very little time left. During this time, she had a near-death experience. That experience showed her that her cancer was the result of her not being true to herself.
I resonated with Anita’s story so much. I can see how much I’ve personally held back who I truly am to fit better into what society wants me to be. But that has come at a price. It has impacted my health, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
But even more importantly, it’s kept me from sharing my gifts with the world, because much of who I am doesn’t completely align with what others might deem as “acceptable”.
I have deconstructed from organized religion. My deconstruction began in 2014. I am not an atheist. But I no longer follow so much of what organized religion teaches which is toxic and dangerous for me.
Finding my voice hasn’t always been easy. I’ve held back who I am for far too long, and it’s time for me to begin using my voice more. So, I’m going to listen to my own higher self and stop listening to what the world is telling me. It’s time for me to let my voice be truly heard, even if it’s scary. To break out of that “good girl” mask and allow myself to be seen for who I am.
